I had just climbed bleachers to watch my daughter’s volleyball practice when I experienced an identity crisis. As crises go it was mild, but as far as questioning the purpose of one’s existence it was intense.
First of all, if you’re a mom and your kids plays sports or participate in any other extra-curricular activities, you are going to be busier than a rooster in a hen house (so to speak). The evenings consist of practices, games, fast food dinners and roadside wardrobe changes. It’s a full time job just managing a household and even with a helpful spouse, the schedules can be maddening. Add in a full time job and it’s no wonder I have gray hair and wear a cape.
That said, for the past few months I have been unemployed. This has been difficult for me in some ways but it has been fabulous in others. My kids sing my praises when I pick them up from school right at dismissal time. And when I bring them a drink/snack…well let’s just say I had no idea how coveted those two items were in the car line.
This night sitting in the bleachers dodging random volleyballs, I was munching on dinner in a box (don’t judge me) when I noticed two ladies in suits and heels dragging themselves to the top row. Immediately, I had flashbacks. I saw myself lugging a laptop, staring at a blackberry and wearing the stress of a busy work day. I felt sorry for them as I understood all too well how they felt. But I also felt a sense of loneliness as if I’d been kicked out of the club and left behind by the only world I knew – the Crazy Working Outside of the Home Mom Association (CWOHMA for those of you keeping up).
Everything seemed out of place and I suddenly felt lost. I was caught completely off guard by all of these emotions and I heard myself say to no one in particular – “I’ve lost my identity. I have no idea who I am anymore.”
God has a cool way of answering us in the most personal way during a crisis. Instantly I heard…
“Your identity is in Me and that has not changed. You are not your job. You are not your kids or your hectic schedule. You are My child.”
It was an important lesson for me to learn and one that was so personal and specific. I spent time renewing my mind with the Word and specifically what the scriptures say about who I am in Christ. As if this wasn’t enough, my sweet husband found a special piece of paper tucked away in the back of a drawer that evening. As he handed it to me, I nearly cried. There it was in black and white in case I ever forgot again. (See photo.) God is so cool!
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)
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Thank you so much for this April. I really needed this today. I have felt the same way so many times. Who the heck am I? A wife, a mom, a former Creative director, a bus driver…lol. What matters is really who I am in Christ. 🙂 You really touched me, thank you.
I’m so glad! 🙂 Bless you!
Yes, sometimes I feel that way. And it seems like every other woman is poised, got it all together, and breezing through life with head held high. 🙂 Do I amount to anything? Only God knows the important things that count. Someday we will know what he saw in us–that we missed.
That’s a great point Karen! Thank you!
What a great post! As we rush around trying to be everything to everyone, we (I) sometimes lose sight of what’s most important. First and foremost, I am a child of my Loving Father. Everything I do is only by His grace, not by my own doing. Thanks for the reminder.
Thank you for comment. I love the way you said “everything I do is only by HIs grace.” so well put!
This sounds exactly like what I’m going through right now, but in reverse! Right now, I’m having to deal with the fact that my girls are starting gymnastics this next week and my work schedule conflicts with being able to take them- for the first time in their lives! 🙁
I can relate to what you are going through and my heart truly goes out to you. I trust the Lord will see you through and help you arrange your schedule so it works best for your family. Thank you for reading!
Just beautiful, April. Love your posts!
Thank you Karla! Glad you enjoyed it. Hope all is well.